hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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