the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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