So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
