Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
