there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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