If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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