in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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