dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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