We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
