I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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