When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
