just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
