i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
