If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize