Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize