I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
