I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
