yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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