My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
