Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize