Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
