I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come share oat with me in your robe
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
