i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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