he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
