I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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