Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
