So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Text me some of your sweat
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
