I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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