Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
