Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
