I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
