i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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