It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
