well you can't waste a boner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
