I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
