so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
