If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
