My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
