I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize