That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
