like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
