Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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