We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
