Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
