just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
