I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
