Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want her autograph on my taint
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
