My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
