Already got asked if we're dating
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
