All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize