I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
