My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
