Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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