it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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