we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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