i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
