At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
