I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
