I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
